Things I Never Signed Up For
It has been a rollercoaster of emotions and trauma since childhood. As I little girl I never understood why things I didn't sign up for would come my way. I remember nights when I'd cry myself to sleep with so many questions. Whose fault was it? Who was responsible for the pain I had to endure during cold nights? Who was to blame for the way my heart would beat fast just because I had seen thunder strike or the clouds becoming darker and darker? Not to talk of the bullying. I was bullied by both students and teachers. Yes teachers who would still give me strokes of canes each time I had crises claiming I was faking it. Who fakes that kind of pain? I question I'd constantly ask but would have no answer to.
My mental health
I wasn't only living with sickle cell. My mental health was at stake as well, depression kicked in after I was sexually abused at age 14. Thoughts of suicide ran through my head every now and then. Something that took ages for me to overcome.
Getting a little older I realized it was all up to me to either live a sorrowful life or make the most of my time here on earth. So I started creating my own happiness by making friends, getting myself a pet, dancing and literally doing whatever puts a smile on my face. A decision I never regret.
I learnt the hard way that no one could love me better than myself. Though I still have some insecurities, I do everything possible to rise after a fall and stay strong.
So this piece is for anyone who feels lost and depression know that you're loved. Stay strong and do what makes you smile. Stay positive and make memories. It isn't easy but I believe in you. You can do it. Go you!
Mental health is an important aspect of living with sickle cell. Check out our mental health resources if you are struggling with your mental health.
Have you experienced being depressed?
How is your mental health right now?