Don’t Try to Fit in
Many times, the one thing most warriors worry about is fitting in. Why can’t I be like this guy or that girl? Why can’t I feel free to live how I want to, why can’t I have peace for once and not be sick or have a complication? We cry, we toss, try to defend ourselves, stay happy while sick, adjust all the time and it gets tiring so comparison sets in and you begin to hate yourself or blame others.
I get it, sickle cell sucks and can be a thorn in the flesh most times. That hip problem wound start until you start to do something meaningful, etc. Then you miss the things going on while you can’t move or are hospitalized, or just have a bad mental day.
It doesn’t feel good to watch other people moving in with their lives and you are just so stuck at the moment with pain, depression, hospitalization, bills piling, and so on.
Sometimes I look at the lives of other people and assume they don’t suffer as much as I do especially because of how perfect it seems. I hear about sickle cell cures and immediately wish I was healed too. Why am I not as strong and healthy as them? I wish I was normal for one day. But unfortunately, I’m one of the sickle cell warriors that go through pain every day. If it’s not my head, I feel weak, have a tummy ache, lost appetite, low HB (hemoglobin), arm or leg pains, name it.
I used to spend my sick-free days trying to fit in with everyone else because I thought it would make me feel better. For instance, I’d rather be home watching Netflix but I’ll neglect that and go out instead or vice-versa. Just wanted to be accepted into the normal human race. Shocker, I’m not normal. I’ve never been normal and I may never be. Not the best news but the truth that will never change.
It took me a long time to unlearn what I had learned. Pleasing others, being there for everyone and yet almost no one is there for me when it’s my turn. All these were draining the life out of me but my mind was focusing on being normal than being myself. What a waste of time and life.
Embracing our differences
You are a sickle cell warrior for a reason. I don’t think God created you to be this different and special only to go back to fit into normal standards. Why would you want to trade what sickle cell has taught you for being normal? To be honest, normal people bore me. And you, my family of warriors, I relate to better than the outside world of being free from sickle cell.
The way that I live my life, the decisions I take, my struggles as a warrior, and the effect society has had on me make me different from anyone else. No 2 warriors are the same. And I think it’s peaceful to know who you are and what you face and may face and still be willing to fight and keep moving. So why on earth would you want to throw it all away to fit in with the normal?
Knowing your worth
I can understand how hard it is and how hard you’re trying, but whatever it is, don’t give room for self-doubt and feeling too different and unwanted.
You are amazing as you are and I’m here to encourage you to embrace it all the way. Unfortunately, sometimes people don’t appreciate the gem you are but that’s on them. Not you.
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