Healing Childhood Trauma

​A wise person once told me that my mental, physical and emotional health are connected. I grew up in a culture and time where society had not yet adopted the idea of getting therapy and that mental health issues only affected those in more Western cultures.

Looking back now, there was no doubt that many of the episodes of pain that I dealt with silently correlated with not only the stress of puberty and growing up but also the strain of being the eldest daughter exposed to domestic violence.

My childhood

I would find many moments when I would catch myself physically tense, with a stiff body and grinding my teeth going through the day hyper-vigilant of everything around me, wondering if I would experience another episode of cruelty from my father or have to face the unregulated and capricious emotions of my adult cousin.

So, it was no surprise that after battling the challenges of school each day and the erratic temperaments of the ‘adults’ I was surrounded with, I would crave to fall into bed and into a relaxing sleep but instead was tucked in by a deluge of stabbing pain and kissed on the cheek by insomnia and restless leg syndrome.

After a few sessions with my therapist and an act that broke Caribbean cultural norms, we uncovered that my mental health was deeply tied up with my childhood trauma, and pretty quickly, we revealed the unforgiving cycle of spending days in pain, leading to high emotions and unfavorable thoughts about myself and finally finding the comfort of more pain as a result.

Rocky road

I have found that many people struggle with having some trauma intertwined and burrowed deep into their lives; in fact, my husband has noted that the first half of your adult life is spent trying to undo the childhood trauma you accumulated.

In my own experience, having to juggle the weight of chronic pain and the energy-draining experience of unraveling childhood trauma leaves me to realize I face a particularly rockier road ahead of me. Having dealt with depression before, I am weary that unraveling the thread of hurt may unearth more negative self-thinking.

In both instances, therapy and chronic illness both have pathways that can lead directly to the dark road of depression.

Sickle cell impact

Actually, studies show that people with sickle cell disease are at a high risk of developing depression, and there is a direct link between SCD and mental health issues such as anxiety.

Sickle Cell Disease impacts a significant part of life on its own. Coupled with whatever strain of trauma I collected as I grew older, I find that it leaves me with a constant struggle with the quality of my life.

I do know that the journey to unraveling the tangles of childhood trauma will be in itself traumatizing.

This is sure to trigger many a crisis or more moderate pain episodes. Still, using the knowledge I have attained after my ongoing therapy sessions, I can now clearly recognize the patterns of that cycle and make the confident decision to step off of the ride.

Daily regimen

Having a pain regimen for my day-to-day and crisis pain has become a staple in my life, and I hope that my mental health regimen will soon cement itself. When dealing with a crisis, I have found that having a clear and positive mind is imperative to not only getting through the pain but also to have an effective recovery that may grant me a few more good days of productivity.

For any SCD warrior who is finding themselves drowning under the heavy tide of pain and being dragged below by the undertow of trauma, know that you are not alone in venturing this rugged path.

I am excited about the healing journey ahead; as my mother often says, life is a blessing. I do not intend to treat my diagnosis as a burden, nor do I plan on continuing to allow the weight of another’s trauma to impact my quality of life.
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Until next time, Stay hydrated, take your meds and keep creating!